I like to go to Barnes & Nobles and pick up a random fashion magazine to flip through. It's my relaxation time with a tall caramel macchiato. One of these magazines is Cosmopolitan, I sit there for about an hour going through the whole thing. It's not because I need sex or relationship advice, it just gives me a giggle reading some of the ridiculous things it tries to get us girls to do. My favorite is "The Things We Need to Start Doing." I rolled my eyes throughout the entire thing. It was four pages of 100 things that girls should start doing from sleep overs to eating a popsicle on a hot day. Yeah...

Well, as I was flipping through the magazine racks, I saw that they had a new and different Cosmo out, it was Cosmopolitan for Latinas. Now, this is different from Cosmopolitan en Español where it's all in Spanish and it's targeted primarily to readers in Latin America. The Latina version was geared specifically to Hispanic women (I hate the term Latino/a) living in the states and it was all in English with a few Spanish words here and there.

It was a rather thin issue that barely focused around sex. It had the bullshit quiz of which telenovela woman character are you, I got Betty La Fea (Ugly Betty). Then it had a few different dances throughout Latin America, as if us Hispanic women didn't know it already. It also gave us insights to some of the different nationalities and I did notice how overly sexual my nationality is.

Dominicans have two type of dances: merengue and bachata. (If you want to see it danced, youtube is great.) It described merengue as an intimate dance where the only two variations were close to the body and really close to the body. Then, when it got to bachata, well, it wasn't a dance anymore, it was sex. It quoted some comedian, I wish I remembered who. Bachata was described as a dance of the genitals where if you have trouble conceiving, this dance has no problem impregnating you and you will probably end up with a baseball player. I had to conquer all my will power not to burst out laughing in the quiet atmosphere of New Hampshire. (Since Borders went bankrupt, I have to go into another state for the nearest bookstore.)

Then, they had the usual few pages asking men a series of questions, the "guy's perspective." Now, what I liked about this is that they showed more than one race and culture. They had an American, Jamaican, Cuban, Dominican, and a Mexican. Every question that they had a response for the Dominican guy, it revolved around sex. In one part he went into details of a kinky thing a girl did which I will not repeat fully because the thought of having some guy's foot in my mouth grosses me out.

I enjoyed the magazine and I'm glad it didn't go overly stereotypical, even with Dominicans being portrayed as sexual beasts. I mean, we are known a bit for being good in the sack, that's nothing to be ashamed off. I'm just a bit sad that it's only a seasonal magazine because they showed amazing food that I've heard of but never seen. I now need to google recipes for pupusas and mofongo.

I'm in the middle of finals and I'm looking at my chemistry notes on batteries wondering how the hell is this going to help me construct bridges or build highways. The introductory classes are a complete waste of my time as they are useless. These are classes where only 20% of the material is somewhat useful to my field. For example, I had to take physics two and learn about electricity when all I needed was thermodynamics and it's only taught for two weeks in the course. Yeah. I feel extremely frustrated and defeated because as much as I try to pound all these chemical equations into my head, I still don't understand it. I've gone through two tutoring appointments already and I don't feel prepared. It's a course full of incompetent professors throwing useless information that doesn't make any sense to me. I wish I had the knack for knowing which chemical compounds have hydrogen bonding, but I don't. So I sit in this class with a glassy stare because I can not begin to comprehend what's the professor saying. I hate going for the bare minimum, but I just need a D to pass this class and then it's out of my life. Unfortunately, even achieving a D in chemistry is hard. It's sad because in my engineering classes I'm getting Bs but these classes are seriously pulling me down.

Also, I'm starting to hate how shy I am around the opposite sex. Like one kid in my class that I've found cute since the start of the semester. During labs, he'll ask me if I'm using the equipment but I just stare back at him and he's staring back at me with those gorgeous blue eyes for an answer. Does my lips ever move to produce an answer? No. My friends have to reply for me because if not, he'll never know that we're done using the equipment and he can have it. Twice this has happened and twice I have remained speechless. This is a smart guy who's in higher level classes than I am, so the chances of us having a class together next semester are very slim. I could have struck up a conversation, befriended him, studied with him, and gotten to know him. But I am condemned by own shyness to be forever that girl who never replies back. And whenever I dare to look at him from across the room, he makes eye contact with me. Ugh, I need to work on this. Unfortunately, the only time I can talk to men is when I've had a few shots in me, can't exactly go drunk to class. Well, I can, but let's face it, my level of attractiveness at that point would be in the negatives.

Just two more finals left and I'm done. After chemistry tomorrow, it'll be a lot easier.

Ever feel that if you tell too many people something that you just may jinx it? Wether it's a new person in your life, school, work, etc. I have a friend that doesn't like to talk to someone about the people he's seeing because he feels that whenever he tells people, it never works out. Sounds silly but I can't help to have this mindset also and I've been keeping a lot of things to myself. Well, I'm about to burst, so fuck it.

Thursday, I had an interview for a research assistant position for transportation engineering. The position is only for the month of June, it's at my school but I would have to go to different sites throughout the state of Massachusetts collecting data, that is, going to intersections and counting cars. I was so excited to finally have an interview that I wasn't nervous at all. I smiled a lot and couldn't stop talking and interacting with them. I felt that the interview went well and literally as I was typing this up, I got the e-mail: I finally has a job in engineering! Yay! =D I'll be getting my experience in which I was so nervous about. Words can not describe my joy, appreciation, and excitement! I was hoping to get this position, I kept thinking about it. Weeeeee! Sorry, I'm just so excited! =D

Now, this position is at my school and my school is roughly two hours away from home, meaning, I need summer housing. The school does provide summer housing but it's around $3,000 for a month, no. I was talking to one of my friends about the possibility of this internship and he asked me where I was going to live. I smiled at him and told him I don't know. Then, he went on to say that he'll have his apartment for the summer and that I can take one of the roommate's room and pay their portion of the rent. I need to contact him and see if that's still a possibility and told talk to one of the roommates and see if that's okay with them. If not, I have other friends that have places and I can ask them as well.

Here's the thing though, this particular friend, I have a crush on. Try as I may to not have feelings for him, it's hopeless. I try to think of all his flaws and list them off, but then I end up thinking about...well, let's just leave it at that. I spend a lot of time with him doing homework, studying, and working on lab reports, expressing myself to him may break this. I'm doing very well in one class because I sit down with him and work on it, if I tell him and he feels too weirded out, I'm afraid that my grades will suffer. It'll be interesting to say the least if it ends up happening.

Either way, I'm so excited for this experience and to get another month away from home!

I am extremely frustrated with the members of my group and pulling their weight for labs. Every time we meet up I get a text with excuses from: I have too much work, I'm going drinking, I'm eating, I'm sick, etc. While my punctual ass makes it to every meeting that I have to set up because if not, no one would bother until the last day. Then they tell me not to get mad, but how can I not? When I haven't missed a single one and have delivered each time. And these are my friends, it's not like I'm working with strangers. I have worked with some of them past semesters and I have never gotten such a disordered mess before.

Now when I go to these lab meetings I don't want to do any work. After I finish my portion I just sit there and don't offer to help until the clock really starts to tick and we still haven't completed the lab. I just feel so defeated and it affects my grade, 20%, so there's no way that I can pull what they do. Then we get the lab reports back and they're 14/20 or 15/20. At the beginning, it was individual reports and I was cranking out 18/20. Everything is left to the last minute.

I'm so tired of people's bullshit and this is my career. Well, if they don't show up to work they won't have any and I'll be stuck with more competent co-workers. I feel bad because they are my friends, but at the same time, I just don't want to hear people's shit anymore. One more final lab report to go with them, I think I'm just going to start it early, e-mail it to them and tell them to do the rest. I have other shit to do, like sleep.

There's something about engineering girls that makes me very competitive against them. I feel as if I'm competing for the most priced female engineer and therefore I most score higher on exams and look more attractive than them. I don't know why, I've never felt the need to compete against other girls until now. I don't feel threatened by the more quiet girls tucked away in the corner, it's the self absorbed girls with their understated and awful fashion statements. By this I mean UGG boots, Northface jacket, and the rest of your typical college gear.

I think I'm just annoyed that these plain Janes have all the guys surrounding them for the sole reason that they have a vagina and are at least okay in the looks department. If this was any other major, these girls would have not have gotten a second look. Not that these boys are attractive and have a good fashion statement, their usual attire of sweats isn't sexy. The more attractive the male engineer is, the more likely he is to look for a mate outside of engineering.

Not only that, I feel that they're threatened by me. Me, who minds my own business and usually sits in class by myself (my friends tend to skip). I'm not sure what it is about me, but some girls just don't like me. To this day, I haven't made a single female friend from the engineering department. I have become someone who had a lot of female friends to now only having male friends. Sure, engineering is dominated by men, but there's still an amount of us that are females. All the girls have made friends amongst themselves, leaving me out. Although, with their attitudes, I don't mind as much.

There's a strong part of me that does feel far more attractive than these girls. For one I am significantly taller with long legs, my hair cascades down my back and is usually perfect, I have fuller lips, and I do have a much more feminine body. I do not throw myself at the guys and make a fool of myself. I have become a pretty cocky person, life is far too short to be wallowing in self-pity.

It just all feels silly and I'm getting far too old for this. Two more semesters to go!